Sign My Name in Pain ~ I’m Not Ready to Kneel

Every year something went, a sport or a task
Then one year I seemed to lose most that I’d ask
I thought it was menopause, a weird old game
But it was MS’s ugly head making me lame

My writing was stylish and I did it for fun
My walking often turned itself to a run
But now I walk badly, it’s more of a drag
With the crutches I use, no more carrying a bag

I’ve just signed a letter I’ve printed today
No writing them fully, I note with dismay
It’s wonky and painful I doubt it’ll pass
It’s upsetting but I try not to give an arse!

My writing is painful and not even good
I struggle with knife and fork and my food
I’m stubborn which keeps me going in part
But it’s not enough just to have a lion in my heart

I’m left crying and feeling I want out of here
But know that that feeling is based in the fear
Of what used to be but now is no more
And I have to admit, I’m a loser that’s sore

I work on acceptance and dignity in trial
But it conflicts with stubbornnes, it isn’t denial
I accept that it’s happening, it’s all just too real
For this old baggage to happily deal

If I calmly accept I seize up where I stand
But if I swear and cajole I can at least land
In a place where I laugh and cry…but I feel.
I’m not giving up…I’m not ready to kneel.

(c) Anna Reid

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